the last day..

So today's the final day at home, tomorrow at 8 in the morning I'll leave. It's so weird to think, like I'm moving away from home - like properly. It's 4½ hours away, so it's not like I could come home just for lunch, next time I'll be in my childhood home is over Christmas in two months. I feel ready, however that might change in two weeks when I really miss my father or something, gosh how I'm going to miss the cats haha. And Samuel, I went to his on friday last week and got home on Tuesday evening. I spent most of those five days crying because I'm going to miss him so much, like we haven't gone more than like 2½ weeks without each other for almost a year now. When I was just about to leave and he was about to say goodbye I didn't let him, like goodbye can be forever. So instead we said goodnight, a bit silly but so am I so I'm guessing that's fair enough. 
Today didn't start too good, mother and I had a bit of a fight but that's all sorted out now. I'm sat in the chair in the livingroom and she's in the kitchen baking some cinnomonbuns, it's cosy. I'm trying to draw on my tablet as well since I've been so stressed for the last two weeks to even think about drawing but it's almost as if my hands can't remember how to function. 
Another note is that earlier this week the school that I'm attending sent over some picutres of two dorm rooms that I'll get to choose between. I think I've decided which room to go for but I'll do the final decicion when I've actually seen the rooms in person. It feels nice, it looks like the avarge winter cabin which is so bloody adorable I can't hande it. I'm so excited to finally study again but it's also really scary. I know I'll do fine because I'm so much stronger now, but I know it's gonna be hard. 
until next time, stay safe. Lots of love, Anna ♡

21/09/2017

So, hi again. It's been quite a while now haha. But I thought the timing was right to start again, I've missed posting. So, what's happened since last time? Not much but yet alot haha, I continued to work at the Red Cross in town for a few more months, I had a summerjob in a clothing store in town, I've visited my relatives down in the south, spent time with my beloved Samuel, turned 19 and just endured the summer. I'm glad autumns here, I've always prefer the cold. I'm also a lot happier, I can't remember being this happy for years. I think ending a toxic friendship back in May helped quite a lot. I'm not blaming it all on him, even though I for most parts want to. That wouldn't be fair, but after saying goodbye to him properly I've just been feeling so much better. Some relationships take more energi than they give back, it just wasn't worth it for me anymore. But for the exciting news, now finally after months and months of waiting I finally got the letter that I will be starting school in a few weeks. You cannot understand how much I've waited and longed for this, Over 1½ years I've waited to go back and fix my grades and it's finally going to happen. 
Even though this is the best news I could've recieved, I'm also so very scared. Attending this school means moving away from home, away from my family and boyfriend. I mean I'm 19 now, it's time to move out of my parents place but it's a big step. The school is 4½ hours away, and there isn't any train tracks there so you have to go with car or bus. I'm thrilled for the studying bit, terrified about the rest. Like what will this mean for me and Samuel? I love him soso much, he's grown to be one of the most important people in my life and it would hurt so badly to lose him because of distance, like I'll do my very best to make it work and I'm sure that he will be too. But I've never been in a distance relationship before, the thought is scary. 
I'll live at that school, go home every second or third month. + there'll obviously be other students there. All people my age, which is terrifying - like I'm completely worthless at this whole social bit. Like during this year, except my boyfriend, I've been with friends maybe three times. In almost 10 months, it's not that I don't have friends I just don't hang out with them because I get so uncomftreble because I'm bad at it - like at work it's another thing because I'm just someone who works at a store not Anna, which makes the social bit easier. With Samuel it's different, i don't know why but it is. It's always been different with partners, it's not scary to put my guard down, it is with friends, regardless how much I adore them and how close we are.
I've changed the design here a bit, not anything mayor but swapping the menue from the right side to the left, changed the width where the actual entries are so most of my old posts will look a bit wonky, as well as some other minor things. So this ended up in quite a long entry, maybe that's what you deserve now when I've been gone for so many months. So, I'm welcoming this new chapter in my life with open arms and hoping for the best.
- until next time, stay safe. Lots of love, Anna ♡

the Darker the Better

↓ My massive regrowth from 1½ month of not fixing it vs freshly dyed hair n' brows. Feeling more like myself again ↓
- until next time, stay safe. Lots of love, Anna ♡