21/09/2017

So, hi again. It's been quite a while now haha. But I thought the timing was right to start again, I've missed posting. So, what's happened since last time? Not much but yet alot haha, I continued to work at the Red Cross in town for a few more months, I had a summerjob in a clothing store in town, I've visited my relatives down in the south, spent time with my beloved Samuel, turned 19 and just endured the summer. I'm glad autumns here, I've always prefer the cold. I'm also a lot happier, I can't remember being this happy for years. I think ending a toxic friendship back in May helped quite a lot. I'm not blaming it all on him, even though I for most parts want to. That wouldn't be fair, but after saying goodbye to him properly I've just been feeling so much better. Some relationships take more energi than they give back, it just wasn't worth it for me anymore. But for the exciting news, now finally after months and months of waiting I finally got the letter that I will be starting school in a few weeks. You cannot understand how much I've waited and longed for this, Over 1½ years I've waited to go back and fix my grades and it's finally going to happen. 
Even though this is the best news I could've recieved, I'm also so very scared. Attending this school means moving away from home, away from my family and boyfriend. I mean I'm 19 now, it's time to move out of my parents place but it's a big step. The school is 4½ hours away, and there isn't any train tracks there so you have to go with car or bus. I'm thrilled for the studying bit, terrified about the rest. Like what will this mean for me and Samuel? I love him soso much, he's grown to be one of the most important people in my life and it would hurt so badly to lose him because of distance, like I'll do my very best to make it work and I'm sure that he will be too. But I've never been in a distance relationship before, the thought is scary. 
I'll live at that school, go home every second or third month. + there'll obviously be other students there. All people my age, which is terrifying - like I'm completely worthless at this whole social bit. Like during this year, except my boyfriend, I've been with friends maybe three times. In almost 10 months, it's not that I don't have friends I just don't hang out with them because I get so uncomftreble because I'm bad at it - like at work it's another thing because I'm just someone who works at a store not Anna, which makes the social bit easier. With Samuel it's different, i don't know why but it is. It's always been different with partners, it's not scary to put my guard down, it is with friends, regardless how much I adore them and how close we are.
I've changed the design here a bit, not anything mayor but swapping the menue from the right side to the left, changed the width where the actual entries are so most of my old posts will look a bit wonky, as well as some other minor things. So this ended up in quite a long entry, maybe that's what you deserve now when I've been gone for so many months. So, I'm welcoming this new chapter in my life with open arms and hoping for the best.
- until next time, stay safe. Lots of love, Anna ♡



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